


Collection of Sonic Fanfics I Wrote When I was Like 10

by mrdeanman



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Animal Death, Dark, Destruction of Earth, Equal Rights, F/M, Homophobia, Jokes, M/M, Psychological Horror, Squirrels, Suicidio, Time Travel, daft punk - Freeform, interpretive dance, link from legend of zelda but he is a baby now, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 03:51:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14662728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrdeanman/pseuds/mrdeanman
Summary: as the title implies i wrote a buncha sonic fanfics when i was in the nine to eleven age range and some of them are kinda good and some of them are bad but they are all incredibly weird so i wanted to fish them out of the depths of obscurity and share them with you dear readers. the formatting will be edited to be less hard to read but the content will stay the same otherwise so READER BEWARE....YOU'RE IN FOR A SCARE....





	1. The Homecoming of the Emo (Part 1)

it was a beautiful day on planet Mobius. chao garden was peaceful. little chaos played about in the water.

 

WHEN SUDDENLY SHADOW FELL ON TOP OF ONE AND KILLED IT! ZOMG!!!1!

 

 super sonic was right above him. "ha ha! you might know everything i'm going to do, but that won't help because i know everything YOU'RE going to do! MUAHAHAHAHHGDHGWZORZZzzz"

 

shadow got up slowly, still in shock. he looked at sonic angrily. "chaos...CONTROL!" He flew at sonic at hyperspeeds. he wasn't actually anywhere near the emeralds but idk supersonic???? i didn't plan this out

 

anyways super sonic grabbed shadow tightly by the muzzle, almost tearing it off from his sheer strength. but suddenly he was chaos speared into a building at lightning speed. he flew at shadow, grabbed his arm, and made him punch himself in the face with it. him is shadow.  also shadow was holding a mushroom and beating sonic with it. suddenly, they each fell from an immense pain in their backs. they fell down. sonic reverted from his super form cause NOT ENOUGH RINGS LOL. he, in the ground, turned his head up and saw a figure. it was a girl, he could tell, because she was singing "smooth criminal."

 

his vision stopped being so blurry and he realized it was blaze the cat. she then realized it was sonic who she'd hit, not just shadow.

 

"aah, sonic! i-i'm sorry! i only meant to hit the emo guy who obviously has daddy issues!"

 

"It's ok, blaze. you'll always warm my heart, no matter how cold life gets."

 

"That was stupid"

 

"idk"

 

blaze suddenly teleported him inside a building. the room he was in was quite crowded.

 

"ok guys, i did my best and caught sonic."

 

the confused hedgehog looked around. the people inside the room were, including, but not limited to: mario, rouge, blaze, himself, tails, knuckles, amy in an astronaut suit, and chuck norris.

 

"sonic." said knuckles. "the world is being attacked."

 

"by who?" questioned sonic.

 

suddenly everything zoomed in on knuckles. "margarine." he said.

 

"also snively and two eggmans. but who cares about them?"

 

"sonnikuu!" said a frightened amy. "you gotta stop him!"

 

"don't worry." said sonic. "I have a special move."

 

"what is it?"

 

"my sexy butt."

 

"but sonic!" exclaimed tails. "knuckles butt is much sexier than yours!"

 

"well, i'm not going alone." said sonic. "i'm taking knuckles and tails with me. they make my coloring stand out even more."

 

mario looked at them angrily. 'they don't want me with them?' he thought, sadly. 'well, i'll show them! it's the apocalypse-a, baby!'

 

he smashed a computer screen over sonic's head.

 

"hey! you little..." sonic said, jumping at the cruel beast of a plumber. blaze and rouge tried to stop the fight, but unfortunately made another scuffle by bludgeoning the hedgehog and the human.with full sized jet planes.

 

"oh yeah!" said tails, excitedly. he took out a gun and shot knuckles. he wanted to fight.

 

"hey! stop it, ya little brat!" said knuckles. but tails did not listen. he was truly a horrible and cruel type of creature.

 

knuckles tried to defend himself but ended up with 58 bullets in his throat lodging it up. he fell over and tried not to die. also to get the bullets out of his body. he picked up chuck norris and used his steel-tough body to beat tails. then he threw one of the bullets he managed to get out of his throat and threw it at amy.

 

silver flew to the scene, unnoticed. what mysterious thing would he do?

 

amy smashed the bullet with her rock hard abs, when silver grabbed her luscious hips and threw her to the moon. luckily she was wearing an astronaut suit.

 

silver dusted off his hands, when suddenly the villains acted! eggman smashed him with a hammer approximately the size of Asia. wow. blaze was angered by this, so she was sending the sun down to annihilate his subatomic particles, when she was fired away by cream, wielding the interdimensional ultimate absolute death ray, or IUADT for short.

 

sonic took action, taking the chaos emeralds and throwing them into the air, where they had a magnetic attraction and fuzed to his skin, turning him into super sonic. and oh boy, did he punch silver SO hard after that! he  created a wormhole going through the planet, burning silver into eight million and two pieces. blaze didn't care cause he was #2 naive 4 her.

 

suddenly shadow arrived in HIS shadow form! he flew into space, and no one could see. he flew into mars, grabbed it with his chaos strength, he totes has that,and threw it to mobius. but then cream grabbed the entire galaxy with HER chaos strength!she bashed shadow in the head 567890 times.

 

silver reincarnated and grabbed a random person who was jet the hawk and used superspeed to throw a million punches in ten seconds, grinding cream and shadow into dust. or so they thought...well, silver thought. jet was just confused. knuckles ate the 'dust' from their 'remains'. he spit them at rouge, who took offense and shot him with a ray gun.


	2. The Homecoming of The Emo (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi.

meanwhile, back in mobius...everything was in utter chaos! there was bombs raining in the streets and wild animals on the loose. one bomb blew up the landscape!

sonic was in a mess. looks like things aren't going good. the barely recognizable sonic was even less unrecognizable, as he went werehog. he looked to be in agony. he screamed.

tails was standing next to him, staring in horror.

sonic grew needle sharp fangs, that almost looked like the hooks of a razor blade, tails could do nothing but scream as he bit down into his leg, blood gushing all around him. tails, in self defense, caught sonic in a neck-cracking headlock.

big the trusty policeman came in with flamethrowers, roasting pure death for all who enter jailyards ever in their life. ((unless they're just there to visit.))

 big went to the ceremony in the middle of the city. the people there were a sight he'd never forget, how much he tried. they were angelic beings with silky, platinum blond hair. resting halos of silver, gold, bronze, and platinum on their heads, they were holy. but their eyes were horrible. huge. almost completely white, all life sucked out of them.

one of them got up and walked towards big. and then she started to transform. almost all skin melted off. he hair turned dark and moldy. one eye came out. and big was not seen or heard of again for a very, very long time.

they sacrificed his body to the fire, covering it with acid with a pH of ngative 9,001. ripping a hole in the fabric of the universe.  hyper sonic rised out of it. he was finally free.

he blew big out of the hole. he was unwanted, the hedgehog needed power.

then, chaos knuckles climbed out of the hole as well. he grabbed the fabric of reality and tore it. he screamed like a banshee.

then hyper sonic, a good hedgheog, knew he was evil and rammed through him with the force of a thousand suns, enough to kill a god. all his cells were sliced up in the mega ram attack of the sonic giant clone.

meanwhile, eggman puts the finishing touches on his new metal sonic model. the ultra metal sonic. a red metal sonic. he sent it out.

silver went flying until he found sonic as a werehog. panicking, he blasted him. somehow the blast made him go back to normal. he realized what he was doing to tails and freaked out, thinking he was under a spell. tails got himself a bandaged and stayed calm.

suddenly, the red metal thing came and grabbed them both, taking them to the skies, and twisting their bodies up to create a horrible distorted creature gasping for breath.

he threw the thing into the sun. it could barely survive on it's own, never the sun. but the sun made a chemical reaction that turned it into a gigantic flying beast, something like a sort of angelic bird creature. it was beautiful.

it flew after ultra metal sonic. U.M.S. and super ??? clash in titanic battle. super ??? will be dubbed 'creature.' creature blocked a punch, sending the kinteic energy to destroy another galaxy. it took a black hole eight million lightyears away and rewired physics and logic itself so that USM would get sucked up somehow, but nothing else. the robot converted it's fake face into antimatter and thrusted it at creature. creature avoided. USM took a baseball bat, and struck creatures head so hard that the bodies came apart and fell down to the planet. reality was breaking from this ultimate battle.

then suddenly, USM did something stupid. he went down with the hedgehogs so they'd have a worthwhile death satisfactory to the robot. that destroyed the robot.

he grabbed sonic and threw the blue hedgehog into the air, planning for him to fall onto the deadly spikes of his robotic head, but the robot was destroyed, and sonic was saved by a dashing heroic moment from tails and knuckles. they grabbed him and silver. and then they flew him away magically with pretty pink princess sparkles surounding them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi


	3. The Homecoming of The Emo (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HELLO???!?!?!?

MEANWHILE AT ANTI-MOBIUS, WHERE EVERYTHING IS DESCRIBED USING BAD GRAMMAR

 

scourge had plan

"i have thought of a perfect way to destroy sonic." scourge say "tell me babe" fiona smirk "tell my my lord" miles say "Since he is so fast" scourge say "yeah" fiona say "we will defeat him in his werehog form" scourge say "why?" miles say "cause his werehog form is slow and will be easy to capture" scourge say "i hope so" fiona say 

 

 

also meanwhile in mobotropolis castle (grammar is back to normal now)

"Master, why do you have your staff with you" said geoffrey st. john. "T OBLOCK OUT THED SUCNN" said ixis naugus. "why" said geoffrey. "TZOIOL GET RISD OF S ON       C    I !" said naugus. geoffrey smirked EVILLY. and then he blockjed out the sun but who cares about that?

knuckles asked tails if he wanted to come and have a sleepover party. tails was so happy he died. but it was ok because he's immortal. silver was in the chao garden. he leviated across a lake and pooped on the ground. amy was trying to brutally murder sonic. so it all ended well. also the sun got blocked out and everyone will die.

 

 

YAY!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like that this is where the bad grammar is even though the last part was like 50% grammar mistakes, also i'm pretty sure i ripped scourge and fiona's dialogue directly from another fic but i don't remember what it was. please forgive my past self for plagiarizing OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> also i removed one part saying naugus was Special because it felt a little mean spirited even for whatever this fic constitues as y'know. anyways this is the final part of homecoming of the emo so hope you enjoyed
> 
> also also i gotta admit the last part of this made me laugh


	4. This Time it's Personal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eggman fights for equal rights.

sonic was walking in forest forest. suddenly, he fell in a hole. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" he said.

 

eggman was also there. hearing the scream, he jumped in the hole, saving sonic. he flew out of the hole because he could fly.

 

sonic said "thank you" eggman says "i did it for equal rights".

 

a few weeks after sonic got sick. he found out he was pregnant "GASP" said eggman.

 

knuckles came in. "i heard you were pregnant." he said so loudly, that eighteen dead people arose from the dead. then knuckles started laughing creepily, and it got louder and louder until even the zombies died. not sonic though and knuckles was all like "AAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHH" and sonic freaked out.

 

sonic was autistic and got so mad, he punched knucker through time.

 

"hey!!!" said knucker after landing eight weeks and two days later. he brushed off his booty, and straightened his shining spines. he had used strawberry shampoo last night.

 

he also took out his pocket calendar to update it. then he looked around. it was different then before. "what the FRECKLES?" he shouted. "i've lost the ability to say UNMENTIONABLE AND HORRIBLE WORDS!!!"

 

he tried to say a cuss, but it was impossible. he sighed, and then looked around some more.

 

there was a huge castle in front of him, obese fairy-like things floating around somehow, even with their tiny wings. dimentio was there holding some mashed potato mix, and a tiger with a maple syrup container stuck in it's mouth.  there was also a box of monkeys and eighteen tons of popcorn, both flying and about to crash into him. knuckles screamed and jumped. he realized he could fly and flew away. he flew so fast, he went back to normal times.

 

looking at the calender to make sure, he could guarantee that it was in fact march 31. tomorrow was april fools day, and he was going to change his tumblr profile picture to nicolas cage with dreadlocks.

 

"sorry sonic." he said.

 

sonic stared in awe. knuckles had been sent flying when he punched him. suddenly, he had teleported back. "wha-what the HECKLE FRECKLE?" he screeched.

 

knuckles realized he had a date with rouge. dashing away, he appeared at 'Le reddite isho sacre formage' in no time.

 

rouge was wearing a long black dress with a green icon on her left side. "you're late." she mumbled.

 

"s-sorry!" stammered knuckles. he knew she was dangerous. but he was staring at a certain spot on her dress.

 

"My eyes are up here." she said, biting her lip and walking towards knuckles.

 

"u-uh, i was just looking at..a rip! heh..heh..." knuckles said nervously.

 

"i didn't rip my dress." said rouge, walking closer.

 

"crap..." mumbled knuckles. rouge grabbed him by the neck, flipped him over, grabbed his spines and flipped him back up.

 

"i won't do that if you don't behave so miserably. the date's over." she said. she walked away, turned around, glaring at knuckles...and then promptly walked away again.

 

knuckles who had recovered just shrugged. he then walked out to see sonic.

 

"the baby arrived." said sonic. "his name is link. he ages fast." he showed knuckles the baby. it looked almost eight years old. it was a human with blonde hair. "average baby noises." it said in a manly voice.

 

then it started doing evil things. "bad link." said sonic and hit him on the butt.

 

"it turns amy is actually the one who made me pregnant by singing daft punk to me even though she doesn't know what daft punk is. she ended up singing the curse of pregnancy from 1001 ways to bewitch your enemies.'"

 

knuckles was scratching link's neck. "interesting." he proposed.

 

sonic's stomach grumbled loudly. "i'm a little hungry." said sonic sheepishly. "but don't get me anything, i can manage. i saw what happened..." the hedgehog grumbled.

 

but knuckles felt bad for him, so he ran outside, taped a fork to his butt, and stuck the fork-butt through the window. "but this is free!" he said.

 

"what the hell" said sonic, ordering from the menu. "get your fork butt back in here right now and get some food"

 

knuckles had chocolate cake, and sonic had a hamburger and two tacos. after that, knuckles went to the bathroom. rouge was there.

 

"what the hell are you doing in the women's bathroom?" stammered knuckles.

 

"for our date. duh." said rouge. her eyelids were low, and she clearly wanted to fRICK FRACK.

 

"come here." she said.

 

knuckles pointed out to her "but i just went with sonic!"

 

rouge's eyes went back to normal. it was now her jaw that had dropped. "you fucking homo!" she screeched because she was homophobic. "you spend all day gaurding some stupid gem, i don't want you! i ne-never did!" she ran out the window.

 

"you can suck my balls, you dumb sssstealer head!" said knuckles angrily.

 

"you'd like that, wouldn't you?!" called out rouge, pausing before running away some more.

 

knuckles face turned beet red even though it already was. he ran away."i got dumped AGAIN! and i didn't get to use the frickin' toilet either!" he yelled to sonic.

 

"wow." said the hedgehog. "sounds rough." they then proceeded to fall in love with each other and have many babies the end bye.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you might recognize the "average baby noises" part because it was featured on a smash fanfic blog. the truth is i submitted a buncha lines from all of my fanfics because i knew they were dumb but also wanted to get popular.
> 
> overall pretty good but i would remove all the rouge and knuckles segments if i could. wish i didn't make knuckles be an awkward straight man. also wish i didn't make rouge be homophobic. it's a sad world and i was a troubled 10-to-11 year old child.


	5. Sonic Diabetes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> amy and sonic have some issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is just bad. i'd skip it if i were you

It was a beautiful day in Mobius. the sun was shining. Unfortunately, nobody could see it shining due to the millions of squirrels falling through the sky and eating people.

 

Sonic was flipping the fuck out. ''HOW THE heck DID ALL THESE EVIL SQUIRRELS GET HERE?!'' he shouted, just in case anyone needed exposition to what was going on.

 

then, he saw a shadow. It was getting closer... It was Shadow the hedgehog! He was the one shooting squirrels out of his hands into the sky! But it was actually Mephiles.

 

''Aren't you supposed to be dead?'' said Sonic.

 

''Oh, right.'' Mephiles said, before spontaneously combusting. The squirrels followed his lead, and turned into magical golden chili dogs.

 

Sonic, delighted, ran over to the chili dog squirrels and ate one. It was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted in his life. ''This is the most amazing thing I've ever tasted in my life!'' He said. Sonic ate so many that he had to go to the hospital, and was diagnosed with diabetes.

 

Sonic cryed unti his tear ducts imploded and his eyes (eye??) just died.

 

The doctor, Espio, felt bad for him, so he attempted to cheer him up. Unfortunately, due to sonic freaking out so much, Espio's hand ended up in his butt. After fixing that and never mentioning it again, Sonic decided that there was only one thing to do.

 

He ran off a cliff and died but he came back to life because he still had a 1-up left.

 

He decided it was pointless. He was going to have to deal wit his diabetes.

 

Sonic went back home, but saw a funeral for a cat. Amy killed it by accident because she jumped on it, thinking it was Sonic. He tore her face off in the process, so Amy did not have a face anymore after that.

 

Sonic decided that this was enough. Amy had to pay for killing that innocent creature (the cat.) Sonic was going to kill her. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!


	6. Sonic Diabetes part 2: Electric Boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sonic discovers the joys of murder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is a little better than the last part so i may or may not skip it if i were you. really, it's your choice.

º•º• Previously, Sonic had been diagnosed with Diabetes, and attempted suicide. Then, he went insane. now he must try to kill Amy! º•º•

 

Sonic had raided the stores. Gun in hand, he walked closer to Amy, closer, closer, ready to strike...

 

''Hey Amy, can I use your phone? I accidentally ate mine.''

 

Amy was slightly confused and a little disturbed by what he said, but she agreed to let him use the phone

. Sonic hired an assassin to kill Amy on the phone, unbeknownst to her. But she used her psychic ability to tell of Sonic's attempt to kill her.

 

''WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TRYING TO DO!?'' she grabbed sonic and threw him out of the house. ''Go get run over by Knuckles or something, I'm too busy mourning a dead cat over this.'' Amy seemed very angry.

Sonic walked away, sad that his murder plan didn't work. He road an eagle through the sky, which looked just like the American flag to him. He saluted to the beautiful flag, before crashing into a net.

''Well, well, well.'' said a familiar sounding robot. ''We've got you!!''

Sonic looked up to see Scratch, the robotic chicken. He was holding a giant chainsaw, which he seemed to have already used because grounder no longer had a head.

Sonic yelped, before jumping out of the net and running away. Scratch was outraged. Sonic made it to Amy's house and waited for Scratch. he took the chainsaw, ran inside, and killed Amy. Scratch died too.

Sonic ran away, and found tails eating cheetos, and inside a giant jar of honey. ''I found out what a sex is.'' he attempted to explain to sonic. FIN


	7. Silver and Shadow Have Existential Crisis-es  (FINALE)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end of an era...

Silver walked along, looking at shitty memes on tumblr. 'Wow, this cat is grey and little, just like me.' He said, wishfully.   
  
Then Shadow fell out of the sky and hugged Silver, because Silver was his bae.   
'Hi Silver' whispered the hot hedgehog.   
'lolwut' Silver said, as he heard the snap of his bones breaking.   
'I made up a new really edgy and goff dance, my precious blunt.' Shadow proudly exclaimed.   
  
'Did u just call me a blunt?' Questioned Silver.   
'ye' Shadow answered. 'Now allow me to show you my dance.'  
  
The dance that Shadow then performed was quite strange. He did a shuffle left and right, while holding his arms like chicken wings. Next, he proceeded with some plies, and flailed his arms. Finally, he did a pelvic thrust so hard that his bones became dislocated.   
  
When Shadow checked to see Silver bae's reaction to his really cool and also neat dance, the psychic hedgehog had dashed away.   
'oh yah right silver has ballet class' Shadow remembered.  
  
Meanwhile, at ballet class...  
Everything exploded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this is the last one. thenks for reading

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this one in 2014. this first part is pretty average weird little kid fic material but the second part feels like i took it out of a horror movie. a bad horror movie but still a horror movie. i was a demented little kid. 
> 
> with all of the fics that will be compiled in this i remember going on "weird fanfic" blogs and getting my inspiration from there, and there's probably some of that in this but most of it i remember being original. i was just weird as a 10 year old.


End file.
